you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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