Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
