i think i have two assholes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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