so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
