It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
