So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We need to get me chipped asap
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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