Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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