when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
