I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My dick has a subreddit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
