so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
