My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
