So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
