just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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