where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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