Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
