Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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