I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
