Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
