Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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