barbara walters just said penis...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
