I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
