walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
