sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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