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Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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