i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
