I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
