so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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