The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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