you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
