i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
