Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
