as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
