i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
