Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
