I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
high people should be assigned attendants
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were trust falling into bushes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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