need another drink. this is the easiest way
Will you blow on my dice?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
