You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
