wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
