one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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