I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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