How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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