i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
