She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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