Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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