made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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