....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
now i know why i became what i already was.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
