As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
