our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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