I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
