Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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