i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
tell me about the eggs
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