Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
