I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
