Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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